he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
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