you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
