Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
