I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
