i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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