My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Randomize
