I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
