Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
