when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
