he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
