she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
