Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize
