tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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