The maid of honor just puked.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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