So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
