I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
