She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
