What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Randomize
