Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Randomize
