So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
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