i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Randomize
