You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize