Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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