is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
