"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Randomize
