Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Randomize
