tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
