There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Randomize
