i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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