just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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