We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
