I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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