So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize
