I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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