Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
