You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
And then my night got REAL pukey
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
