I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
