Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
