Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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