While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
