You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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