Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
