i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
