he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
