She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
