my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
