That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Randomize
