everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
