Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
