I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
