Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
