I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
