There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
