im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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