guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
