I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
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