I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize