Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
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