Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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