Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
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