What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
