if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Randomize
