The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
