Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize
